Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
