I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize