Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
