Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
