I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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