Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
