Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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