I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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