I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
