This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
