Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
