I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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