He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
