omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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