you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
