I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
