She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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