If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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