You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
