my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
