just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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