haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
