I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize