How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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