ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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