I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
