Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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