this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
