you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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