hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
