If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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