K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
