and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
