woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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