Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
