I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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