kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
