i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I will pee on everything he values.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
