idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We got so high we made milksteak
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
