Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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