i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
