Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
