I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
