I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
