Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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