I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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