remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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