It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
