I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
