he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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