Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize