i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
