when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
