i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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