we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
