I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
