There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
