so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
