just tell him i said nine months
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
