so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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