am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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