youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
