i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
