fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
