i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
