no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
