it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
