So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
