he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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