So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
